Monthly Archives: June 2014

Everything Will Be Alright

I was experiencing this dream in first person, as well as an observer looking on. It played like a movie on-screen but, starring me.

It was the present but my surroundings were that of my past. I walked home on a muggy summer night from my job. I didn’t know what my job was in my dream but, I was physically exhausted as if I had done manual labor for most of the day. My surroundings seemed to resemble West Philadelphia where I lived for a couple of years. The mood was forlorn and solemn. I walked up the steps to my dimly lit porch. It was a multi-family house. I entered into the narrow corridor and was greeted by someone who might have been a cook or a maid that I shared my quarters with. I couldn’t tell if I was her superior or equal.

I started to undress in a very tiny bathroom when the cook/maid knocked on the door and said there was someone who had arrived earlier today and had been waiting all night to see me. I asked who it was and she said, “You’ll see.” I was confused and agitated by this late night surprise. I cautiously peered out of my tiny bathroom, then walked out of the “apartment” into the hallway. I looked up at the landing to find a male dressed in a suit with dark hair and a mustache. At first I had no idea who he was. Then I realized he was an old boss of mine who I hadn’t seen in almost a decade. He looked at me and said, “Do you recognize me?” I said yes of course…

I don’t know why or how, but I knew in my dream he was in love with me. And I wondered, “Why did he come all this way in secret?” We changed into more casual clothes. It was daylight out all of a sudden. We headed towards another similar house that looked like a campus frat house. It appeared desolate but once “Boss” rang the doorbell and knocked twice, a secret doorway opened up. We walked up the stairs into a roaring party. I looked at “Boss” and he, as well as all the scenery, changed into a more modern, jovial and familiar pace.

My brother was suddenly with me. A male, someone generic looking, welcomed us and offered us shots. I declined and went to explore the rest of the party with my brother. We went up another set of stairs and there was a lot of commotion. We found a group of people hovering over a girl who was choking. I ordered everyone to step aside so my brother could take a look as an EMT. He gave the girl the Heimlich maneuver and she stared spitting up stones. I was confused and disgusted so I left my brother to tend to her while I continued up another set of stairs.

I reached the top and walked into a large bedroom that I thought was empty. I walked in and saw clothes and shoes and suitcases lying around, as if someone was packing in a rush for a very long trip. A golden retriever suddenly trotted in and I was delighted to see him. I be t down to pet him, ruffled his ears and played with him. Then a male walked in, dark complexioned with a handsome face and a shaved head. He asked if I liked his dog and I said I loved the dog to pieces. He tried to finish packing and told me he was taking his dog with him, and that I should run away with him too. I laughed and said I didn’t think it was possible. He didn’t respond but he didn’t look happy.

I walked to the other side of the room and exited through another door, leaving him there packing with his dog. I found another set of stairs and descended. At the bottom, I found the man I had recently been seeing and with whom I had reached a point of discord. I walked into his arms, hesitantly. I reached up to hug him and he hugged me back. Then he kissed me and said, “Everything will be alright.” When I opened my eyes to look back at him, I woke up.

How To Drink Scotch

We clinked our glasses in mutual agreement after sharing a belly aching laugh over something only the two of us could find humor in, without having to verbalize the absurdity. He placed his drink down at the bar and excused himself to the men’s room. I watched him walk away with his easy gait and that carefree air about him, as though he were a perpetual wanderer in pursuit of nothing other than discoveries of the moment.

I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see the face of an attractive older woman whose age could only have been revealed by looking directly into her eyes. With slight laugh lines that curtained her wide smile, she looked at me and said in a friendly tone, “I’m sorry to bother you but, are you two together?”

“Him?” I responded, nodding towards the direction he left in. I was slightly amused. “No,” I answered. “We’re not together.”

“Well, darling,” the woman started, with a twinkle in her eye, “I find that I’m much wiser now than I used to be. And I couldn’t help but notice your chemistry from across the bar. I was envious of the way you were together, so natural and comfortable. You ought to make that man yours.”

I laughed genuinely and heartily at her sincere words to me. “That man right there,” I said pointing towards the figure making his way back towards us, “is my ex-husband.”

The woman’s face froze for a nano-second before a look of surprise and puzzlement took over. “Really? Wow… But you could have fooled anyone! Why on earth did you two separate?”

“It would take a lifetime to tell our story,” I said and smiling sweetly I added, “I have no doubt you are more experienced and wiser but, I do believe that life and love remain a mystery to us all. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well, sweetie, cheers to that… And best of luck to you both.” We toasted and she took a sip of her red wine before flashing another grin, glancing at him next to me.

I wished her a goodnight and turned back to my companion for the evening. My friend now, and part of my story. He winked at me as he took a gulp of his scotch.

Distance Hurdler

I am by nature, more of a selfish person than I’d like to be but, I do freely admit it. My selfishness has served me well in certain areas and not so well in others. I am also a firm believer in the fact that God places obstacles in our path again and again until we finally learn the lessons that we are meant to learn. That being said, I know for certain that God has placed you in my path or better yet, led me to you for a myriad of reasons but mostly, to rid me of my selfish ways. Or at the very least, mitigate them before they consume me.

Some lessons are simpler and easy to learn. The people who embody these types of more feasible lessons are the ones who come and go, in and out of our lives because they’ve served their purposes and we’ve learned our lessons then parted ways for the better. Then there are the lessons that take no less than a lifetime to teach. You are one of them.

I believe the lesson here is tri-fold – to love someone truly (without contingencies); wholly (including every flaw, major and minute); and selflessly (giving with every fiber of my being without consequence). I believe that until I master this type of selflessness, which of course cannot be done until I master a higher form of patience, I will never be rid of you. And I know this because, until I learn to act selflessly, I will never want to be rid of you. I will always want you – physically, emotionally, intellectually because I believe that you represent all of the things that I cannot grow to be on my own.

And there lies the ultimate lesson to be deciphered and absorbed in all of its complexity – To be rewarded by receiving nothing. To be become less selfish, I will need to give selflessly to another. The more of me I give away, the stronger I will become – bare-boned and free of distracting entanglements – stronger with less.

So if this is the lesson I am meant to learn then perhaps I have not quite learned it yet. Or perhaps, I am just not done loving you

Wild and Free, Planted and Blooming

We drove from Raleigh through Wilmington, towards Carolina Beach, and we often slowed to observe several cars who had pulled over on the shoulder of the highway to take photos in and around mile long stretches of gorgeous wildflowers. We couldn’t figure out if this stunning, unexpected and seemingly misplaced floral scene was the result of a seed bombing at a nature lover’s whim, or if they might have been strategically planted there to improve roadway aesthetics.

Either way, only one thing was for certain – None of these beautiful living organisms chose to be planted there and they didn’t have a say otherwise. What they did do, was bloom brilliantly right where they were planted regardless of circumstance. And they did one hell of a job at it.

I have no petals, but I recognize that there is an important lesson to be learned here.

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