I want the kind of love that can only be born from two people having journeyed tirelessly and endured so much exhaustion to reach one another, that their first and final sighting of each other ignites a fire so powerful it heats them for eternity, and fills a well so deep they never thirst again for as long as they live.
It appeared to be a clear evening. The night sky was a dark blue but I could see no stars. I walked up close to a building in front of me. I knew of this building but I did not know my connection with it. It was a grand luxury condominium building. I believe someone I knew may have lived there.
I was wearing denim shorts, flip flops and a tank top. I walked along the side of the building because it was surrounded by water. There was a nice moat around it that seemed like a miniature boardwalk or dock. It looked sturdy and wide enough to be walked on. When I tried to look out towards the end if it, I couldn’t see where it led or where it stopped because the wooden planks curved with the building and I couldn’t tell what lay around the corner.
I took one careful step out onto this moat/boardwalk/dock type of structure. The water around me and ahead of me was so calm, beautiful and inviting that it drew me further and further out there. The wooden planks began to narrow in width as I got closer to the bend. Suddenly, the still waters roughened. Waves started to appear, slowly at first, then the whole body of water surged.
The water rose, steadily, quickly, and fear seized me, my lungs were closing in panic and knots were forming fast in my stomach. In my panic stricken state, I stood frozen, arrested by the growing waves. Terror finally snapped me out of my spell and my first thought was to get onto my stomach, lay flat and hold on tight to the sides of the dock and shimmy as fast as I could back towards the concrete sidewalk.
As I began, I looked behind me and squinted at what I saw. Through the massive waves that were now arching into the sky, a gigantic sea turtle emerged, effortlessly surfing through. Then a second followed and a third. As I watched these three sea turtles swimming towards me, a sense of relief washed over me. I thought, if these sea turtles can survive this, maybe I will too… And I waited until the first one swam by, close enough beside me before I took a big gulp of air and launched myself off of the dock, onto the sea turtle and closed my eyes, hanging on, praying for dear life.
As the waves engulfed me, I held on tight for the ride. The turbulence of everything finally calmed and when I was able to open my eyes, I found myself back on the sidewalk. The sea turtles had disappeared, the waves died down and the water retreated completely. I stood up, soaking wet and dripping, and stared out at the body of water that was now just as tranquil and undisturbed as it was in the beginning.
I looked myself up and down and that’s when I realized I was naked. Grateful to have survived the peril out there, I didn’t mind that I was missing all of my clothes. I dropped to my knees and heaved a huge sigh of relief at my survival. Before getting up to find a way into this building to dry off and clothe myself, I took one last look over my shoulder. The last thing I thought was, “How beautiful.. “
We lay under an endless ceiling of suspended confetti that twinkled sharply against the vast darkness. The pregnant moon hung like the single bulb of a grand chandelier. When I relaxed my eyes the stars blurred and I felt lifted, floating weightless in the moment. A squeeze from his arms drew me back down into the earth that cradled us. The bass of his deep voice and the steady beat at which he spoke lulled me towards sleepy fantasies. I no longer heard his words yet, I listened to everything he said.
When it was my turn to speak, I swam back towards consciousness to respond to all of his curiosities, whims and peculiarities because I shared them and understood them when no one else did. This delighted him and he expressed it with enthusiastic kisses on which ever body parts of mine lay closest to him. I nuzzled my face further into the crook of his shoulder, with one hand resting on his ribs, as if to say, “Yes, yes, I understand it all!”
With my ear to his chest now, I listened to the vibrato within as he carried on, speaking for both of us on our common desires and dreams. It soothed my muscles and before I closed my eyes to let my mind drift into the wind, I reflected back on how I had known this man for exactly 12 hours since this morning’s sunrise. I took one deep breath in, then exhaled, safe and relaxed, and wondered – is this love? Or is this magic?
After a night of dark memories mixed into my dreams and evolved into nightmares, I woke up with an immediate sense of discouragement. Once I shook off the evil little chills and found my bearings, a thought flashed across my mind and I whispered out loud, “Foundations.”
As usual, it was as if my subconscious worked tirelessly throughout the night to formulate for my conscious self what it could not do on its own. I had no foundation left – everything I once planted had all been uprooted by now, for better or for worse. I will need to build from the ground up again and build anew, one brick at a time, small or large.
Bricks – all around me and I wasn’t able to see the signs that were laid out in front of my eyes until now. I shall begin.