Tag Archives: God

Distance Hurdler

I am by nature, more of a selfish person than I’d like to be but, I do freely admit it. My selfishness has served me well in certain areas and not so well in others. I am also a firm believer in the fact that God places obstacles in our path again and again until we finally learn the lessons that we are meant to learn. That being said, I know for certain that God has placed you in my path or better yet, led me to you for a myriad of reasons but mostly, to rid me of my selfish ways. Or at the very least, mitigate them before they consume me.

Some lessons are simpler and easy to learn. The people who embody these types of more feasible lessons are the ones who come and go, in and out of our lives because they’ve served their purposes and we’ve learned our lessons then parted ways for the better. Then there are the lessons that take no less than a lifetime to teach. You are one of them.

I believe the lesson here is tri-fold – to love someone truly (without contingencies); wholly (including every flaw, major and minute); and selflessly (giving with every fiber of my being without consequence). I believe that until I master this type of selflessness, which of course cannot be done until I master a higher form of patience, I will never be rid of you. And I know this because, until I learn to act selflessly, I will never want to be rid of you. I will always want you – physically, emotionally, intellectually because I believe that you represent all of the things that I cannot grow to be on my own.

And there lies the ultimate lesson to be deciphered and absorbed in all of its complexity – To be rewarded by receiving nothing. To be become less selfish, I will need to give selflessly to another. The more of me I give away, the stronger I will become – bare-boned and free of distracting entanglements – stronger with less.

So if this is the lesson I am meant to learn then perhaps I have not quite learned it yet. Or perhaps, I am just not done loving you


For It All

If you live your life being afraid to die
then you probably have only
been living a lie,
because those afraid of death
know nothing about life.

You ought to hurry and get to living
rather than worry
about the Grim Reaper reaping.

Through it all,

I find comfort in knowing
that if it was my time,

And today was the day
God chose to greet me,

I would say,

“Thank you for it all,”
and go forward boldly.

Sincerely, Yours

Today I thought about you
and how you smile
so easily and are quick to laugh
with your shy dimples
those perfect teeth and the
smooth skin of your powerful jaw line

I remembered all the times you
reached out to hug me
at my arrival and you smelled
so good
and just then
though you made it hard for me to confess
just then
I never wanted to leave your grasp

I remembered other great things
about you
that settled in my memory
so comfortably and safely
but as always, I stopped remembering
and began realizing

I realized my memories of you
never reflected the reality of you and now
they’ve been reduced to stories
of what once was

shame on you

I still want to pick up the phone and scream
I miss you
but I’m not sure I do
I miss my dream
the pefect dream you ruptured
when you said, “Come.”
and I came.

Shame on me

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