Tag Archives: Health

Night Sail

When I lay me down to sleep,

The monsters below begin to creep.

The farther down their nasty lair,

The stronger their hold, with strength to spare.

 

With sleep as my boat and dreams as oars,

I quietly sail and pray to the Lord

To steer me safely with the wind behind

Yet, I know He will test if my faith be blind.

 

With trepidation I sail into the deep,

Waters roughen, no voices speak.

From depths of stormy seas within me

Angry devils rise with fury.

 

Capsized, paralyzed, with no sight or words,

I am choking, flailing, with no aid coming towards.

I feel their grasp; merciless and hateful.

Tears, salt, sea, I swallow by the mouthful.

 

Thrashing in darkness, I continue to sink under.

I hope for intervention, lightning or thunder.

With the last of my sight, I see a blurred night sky…

Kicking for freedom, I strain my thighs.

 

Amidst agonizing defeat, a twinkling thought-

I suddenly remember old foes I’ve fought.

I surface for a second and gulp fresh air,

Awakened by wind tearing through my hair.

 

Tears into the sea,

These waters stir within me,

These ogres were born inside me,

From my very own darkness,

Anxieties brewing catastrophe.

 

I own these beasts – an ounce of pain, a ton of steel,

Their strength is my strength, I hold the reel.

My neck is bound by their grip

But the lasso is in my hands; I crack the whip.

 

Their hold is released, our roles reversed,

I’ve harnessed the dragon, undone the perverse.

Lacking oxygen, and fighting for sight,

I straddle this beast and bind it tight

At the throat and I pull until my veins are blue,

Destroying the lies that destroy my truth.

 

I kill this creature and stare into its eyes,

This wicked nemesis I’ve glimpsed many times,

 

With a face so vengeful and familiar,

 

Looking back at me from the window in my mirror.

 

 

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F’d Up and Beautiful

I squinted into the sunlight and the white hot glare illuminated a smidgeon of filth in the upper left corner of my left lens. Without thinking, I removed my glasses before crossing the street to polish them when the sound of a truck horn startled me and I dropped them into the street. Bad move. In a panic, and bordering legal blindness, I reached out with both hands in front and took a step forward. The devastating crunch beneath my feet sealed my fate for the day. Stepping backwards in a blur that frenzied me in my world without sight, I bent down to pick up the remnants of the sleek titanium frames and minimal glass that gave the gift of vision. Before placing the salvaged seeing tool back on the bridge of my nose, I caught a beautiful image with its beauty ironically enhanced ever more by my lack of sight: a torrent of red silk fleeing across in front of me, fabric flapping in the wind and what sounded like delicate stiletto heels slamming into pavement. I barely made out the image of a female, distinguishable only by her frail, outlined curves, crowned by a massive wave of billowing blond hair. Unusual and out of place, her presence was not only confusing but highly intriguing as her escape was captioned by a muffled, helpless sob pre-empting some sense of danger and distress in hot pursuit of her red silk and stilettos.

The suspense was thrilling in my blindness and as I whipped my head around to follow the blond hair trailing her body I was gripped with excitement – without sight, my imagination heightened and I strained my eyes to construct what I could not, in reality, actually see: a grisly day time crime scene unfolding; a dystopian fairytale; a story book character who tore herself out of a commuter’s contemporary novel to chase down her love who may have been written to death to soon. Awed completely by the out-of-ordinary and my unseeing eyes, I looked around and wondered in amazement if no one else had been caught in this dizzying denouement of some stranger’s story. Fiction or non-fiction, we’ll never know.

I realized at once, breathing heavily and gaping after the path blazed by my alleged heroine/refugee, I was still on the same street corner holding my ruined glasses, in my painstakingly ordinary pencil skirt and button down, with nowhere to flee but my 15th floor office, no more a damsel in distress than the next corporate climbing, status seeking urbanite. As I made out twinkling green traffic lights ahead, I put my glasses back on and as though the science of optometry hadn’t delivered me beyond and back today, I watched the world pass by through cracked lenses, my new kaleidoscope face-gear, and silently marveled at it all. So fucked up and beautiful as it was, on a scorching, humid day in the city.


No Less

Loveless
But not soulless
I love you
No less

As time breeds infection
Things are much, much worse
Before they heal, they rest

Father brother lover
incest
Is this what we breed?
We bred alive and kicking,
This half breathing
demented mess

And one aimed to salvage,
Ripping, clawing at hair and skin
To keep beating
What the rib cage held
Was bleeding

While the other maimed and tortured

My skin, all of me
I was the one-
I Should have been bleeding

Your hands those very
Large hands
Held so much more
Than my world, whole and widening
When you tried to wipe them clean

There, stained, then everywhere
You couldn’t wipe them clean
You beggar, you stealer
You smiling story-teller

My head in a lap (yours?), I lay,
Then sit beside myself

And look up at you to realize
You’ve been three time-zones away

So, now,
How quickly we stay the same


Windex On My Mirror

Remember when you told me
I wasn’t tall enough
for you?
I wore heels the next day
but, I like my height.
It’s easier to feel protected this way
Though, I never felt protected
by you.

Remember when you told me
I wasn’t thin enough
for you?
I tried to lose weight
but, I like my curves.
There’s more of me to admire
Though, I never felt admired
by you.

I’ll take back now
my parasitic affections
and remove the leeches
of my emotions
off of you,
one by one,
until you are bare
of me.

You’re free to go now.
And when you leave I won’t follow.
If you stay I won’t want you.
This is because I care
about you
but now I care
about me too.


Beauty in Destruction and Rebirth

There is beauty in destruction; in fire, weapons, and war depending on how you view this type of passion. Destruction is necessary in order to regain balance. It is the imbalance of power which causes combat, whether with another party, within yourself or with a current circumstance you are compelled to rebel against. Sometimes you need to set it all on fire, watch it burn and emerge in the purest form of yourself, after all the afflictions have boiled away. The negativity of destruction depends upon its final outcome: some wreak havoc to breed havoc, some wreak havoc to rebuild, and there is nothing more noble than rebuilding from ashes. Those who fail to see beauty in destruction are blind to beauty in its’ various forms and are therefore blind to the future.


Birdcage

You called me “beautiful” and I was yours,
Blew smoke rings ’round me, said I “must be gold”,
Jewels shined but I put men on all fours.
Still, fires from your heart only kept me cold.
Beneath your praise and sweet nothings I’d lay,
Etching art into flesh, painted in blood,
Silent havoc I wreaked and yet you’d say
“Sweet pea, you’re bold, I’ll write our names in mud.
They’ll turn to stone and forever we’ll lie
Together.” Against those words I shivered,
Behind batting lashes and smiles I’d cry
Mute tears you never saw and I whispered:
“Baby, I’m choking,” but you didn’t hear,
“‘Cause of your love I’m slowly dying, dear.”


Rules Every Perfect Ballerina Must Follow

1. Never enter a classroom without pink tights, body suit and skirt. Elegance.

2. Always have your hair pulled back and tight. Confidence.

3. Always stand with chin up, shoulders back, stomach sucked in and butt tucked under. Beauty.

4. You must warm up and stretch at the barre before adagio. Fragility.

5. You must have your feet pointed, chin following shoulder and hips turned out at all times. Gag.

6. NEVER stand in parallel position. Vomit.

7. Always find your center and hold it. Use your plier and elongate. Tear.

8. Never eat fast food and certainly do not eat ANY food past nine. Gargle.

9. At least six pounds must be shed before the final fitting of a tutu. Smile.

10. Never under any circumstance seem like you do not love what you are doing. Repeat.


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