I want the kind of love that can only be born from two people having journeyed tirelessly and endured so much exhaustion to reach one another, that their first and final sighting of each other ignites a fire so powerful it heats them for eternity, and fills a well so deep they never thirst again for as long as they live.
Tag Archives: love
We lay under an endless ceiling of suspended confetti that twinkled sharply against the vast darkness. The pregnant moon hung like the single bulb of a grand chandelier. When I relaxed my eyes the stars blurred and I felt lifted, floating weightless in the moment. A squeeze from his arms drew me back down into the earth that cradled us. The bass of his deep voice and the steady beat at which he spoke lulled me towards sleepy fantasies. I no longer heard his words yet, I listened to everything he said.
When it was my turn to speak, I swam back towards consciousness to respond to all of his curiosities, whims and peculiarities because I shared them and understood them when no one else did. This delighted him and he expressed it with enthusiastic kisses on which ever body parts of mine lay closest to him. I nuzzled my face further into the crook of his shoulder, with one hand resting on his ribs, as if to say, “Yes, yes, I understand it all!”
With my ear to his chest now, I listened to the vibrato within as he carried on, speaking for both of us on our common desires and dreams. It soothed my muscles and before I closed my eyes to let my mind drift into the wind, I reflected back on how I had known this man for exactly 12 hours since this morning’s sunrise. I took one deep breath in, then exhaled, safe and relaxed, and wondered – is this love? Or is this magic?
We clinked our glasses in mutual agreement after sharing a belly aching laugh over something only the two of us could find humor in, without having to verbalize the absurdity. He placed his drink down at the bar and excused himself to the men’s room. I watched him walk away with his easy gait and that carefree air about him, as though he were a perpetual wanderer in pursuit of nothing other than discoveries of the moment.
I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see the face of an attractive older woman whose age could only have been revealed by looking directly into her eyes. With slight laugh lines that curtained her wide smile, she looked at me and said in a friendly tone, “I’m sorry to bother you but, are you two together?”
“Him?” I responded, nodding towards the direction he left in. I was slightly amused. “No,” I answered. “We’re not together.”
“Well, darling,” the woman started, with a twinkle in her eye, “I find that I’m much wiser now than I used to be. And I couldn’t help but notice your chemistry from across the bar. I was envious of the way you were together, so natural and comfortable. You ought to make that man yours.”
I laughed genuinely and heartily at her sincere words to me. “That man right there,” I said pointing towards the figure making his way back towards us, “is my ex-husband.”
The woman’s face froze for a nano-second before a look of surprise and puzzlement took over. “Really? Wow… But you could have fooled anyone! Why on earth did you two separate?”
“It would take a lifetime to tell our story,” I said and smiling sweetly I added, “I have no doubt you are more experienced and wiser but, I do believe that life and love remain a mystery to us all. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Well, sweetie, cheers to that… And best of luck to you both.” We toasted and she took a sip of her red wine before flashing another grin, glancing at him next to me.
I wished her a goodnight and turned back to my companion for the evening. My friend now, and part of my story. He winked at me as he took a gulp of his scotch.
I am by nature, more of a selfish person than I’d like to be but, I do freely admit it. My selfishness has served me well in certain areas and not so well in others. I am also a firm believer in the fact that God places obstacles in our path again and again until we finally learn the lessons that we are meant to learn. That being said, I know for certain that God has placed you in my path or better yet, led me to you for a myriad of reasons but mostly, to rid me of my selfish ways. Or at the very least, mitigate them before they consume me.
Some lessons are simpler and easy to learn. The people who embody these types of more feasible lessons are the ones who come and go, in and out of our lives because they’ve served their purposes and we’ve learned our lessons then parted ways for the better. Then there are the lessons that take no less than a lifetime to teach. You are one of them.
I believe the lesson here is tri-fold – to love someone truly (without contingencies); wholly (including every flaw, major and minute); and selflessly (giving with every fiber of my being without consequence). I believe that until I master this type of selflessness, which of course cannot be done until I master a higher form of patience, I will never be rid of you. And I know this because, until I learn to act selflessly, I will never want to be rid of you. I will always want you – physically, emotionally, intellectually because I believe that you represent all of the things that I cannot grow to be on my own.
And there lies the ultimate lesson to be deciphered and absorbed in all of its complexity – To be rewarded by receiving nothing. To be become less selfish, I will need to give selflessly to another. The more of me I give away, the stronger I will become – bare-boned and free of distracting entanglements – stronger with less.
So if this is the lesson I am meant to learn then perhaps I have not quite learned it yet. Or perhaps, I am just not done loving you