Category Archives: Of The Heart

Fire & Talons

Your light

Burned so ferociously
And bright
I felt your warmth
Far before

I saw your fire

In mid flight
For reasons unknown
You caught me in the fury of your wings
And in marvelous wonder
I let myself

Be gripped

Within the strength of your freedom

And your free soul
It was electrifying
So much so that your fire ignited lightning

And what burned inside me
Was so pale and weak in comparison
I was scorched by this ignition

I had hoped instead
To have my own flames fanned
But the power of yours
With your free soul fueling it

Engulfed me

I was useless against its bounty
And burning willingly
To a crisp
Having no power to tame such a force as this

Though fascinated and mesmerized
Like a moth to a flame
I was seared at the touch
Like a child to a hot stove

Rather than letting the shock of it
Travel through me inspiring strength

I was weakened
Unprepared and unfamiliar
With this capacity

And so I fell

And you
With your wingspan and your flames and your spirit
Trumping mine in size and liberality

What could you do
But let me fall

I would not have carried my own weight in flight
But rather
Weighed you down
Latching on for an astonishing ride

With my burnt wings
And the last of my embers
Fighting for their right to burn on
And burn larger

Than they might have
Before you
Or if not for you
Or quite possibly
Because of the sight of you
But not for the sake of you

I landed once again
Feeling so naked and robbed
Of something I only ever wanted
And never even had

Neither brave enough to reach for
Nor strong enough to grasp yet

My eyes will now be focused skyward
Where you live
So effortlessly
Freely
With a power you’ve harnessed so mysteriously

I should have gathered
That your admiration for birds of prey
Was not just of their majesty

Understanding then
That it was their solo sojourns
Which entranced you most

And I lay on the ground

And I swallow this

While searching for tinder for my fire

Determined to sear the sky
With flames of my own

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The Fall

Wind in our hair and the sun on our faces,
we ran through the sand, the dunes, the wildflowers.
We reached a cliff where I peered down
over the falls,
beaming in anticipation,
before turning to look at you…
Tempted by the abyss,
who taunts with salacious adventure,
I closed my eyes, held my breath
then jumped –
Soaring, flying, falling into the depths,
my feet hit water and I was immersed
in refreshing delight.
The shock of submergence
revitalizing, seducing,
I surfaced,
gasped for air
…Orgasmic…
And found that you were not beside me.
Bathing in my preemptive bliss,
that was supposed to be ours,
I dove into exhilaration and danger
but, you –
you lingered,
content where it was safe.

The Distance

The battle.
But
not the war.
The
victor yet unseen.


Tireless Love

I want the kind of love that can only be born from two people having journeyed tirelessly and endured so much exhaustion to reach one another, that their first and final sighting of each other ignites a fire so powerful it heats them for eternity, and fills a well so deep they never thirst again for as long as they live.


Is this Love? Or is this Magic?

We lay under an endless ceiling of suspended confetti that twinkled sharply against the vast darkness. The pregnant moon hung like the single bulb of a grand chandelier. When I relaxed my eyes the stars blurred and I felt lifted, floating weightless in the moment. A squeeze from his arms drew me back down into the earth that cradled us. The bass of his deep voice and the steady beat at which he spoke lulled me towards sleepy fantasies. I no longer heard his words yet, I listened to everything he said.

When it was my turn to speak, I swam back towards consciousness to respond to all of his curiosities, whims and peculiarities because I shared them and understood them when no one else did. This delighted him and he expressed it with enthusiastic kisses on which ever body parts of mine lay closest to him. I nuzzled my face further into the crook of his shoulder, with one hand resting on his ribs, as if to say, “Yes, yes, I understand it all!”

With my ear to his chest now, I listened to the vibrato within as he carried on, speaking for both of us on our common desires and dreams. It soothed my muscles and before I closed my eyes to let my mind drift into the wind, I reflected back on how I had known this man for exactly 12 hours since this morning’s sunrise. I took one deep breath in, then exhaled, safe and relaxed, and wondered – is this love? Or is this magic?


Flame, White & Gold – In The Air, Out to Sea and Beneath My Feet

As I continue to practice cathartic releases in the form of metaphorical actions within my mind, I hope that they will cause a physical “purging” from my mind and body. But, since these actions remain within me, I need “witnesses” to bear testimony to them. So these witnesses are you. This is what I “spent my day doing”. The first activity is for Xxx. The second is for Xxxxxx. The third is for Xxxxxxx. Simply because every time I “release” I must release again for Xxxxxxx. After all, it is like a tumor that I can only remove the majority of each time.

Scalding hot and flaming white, I take this sphere and blow on it to cool it down. Then juggling it from hand to hand to avoid searing myself, I wrap this in pink chiffon and tie a pretty white ribbon around it. I grasp it with the full palm of my right hand and, winding up from my waist to my shoulder, I launch this sizzling sphere as hard and as far as my arms have the power to into the atmosphere. I watch it for as long as I can, until the sphere becomes a moving speck in the sky, hurtling up and up into the distance. I wait and I assume it has reached its destination in the clouds because I see a tiny burst of flame and sprinkles of debris. Then a magenta lightening bolt explodes into an array of warm colored daggers throughout the clouds coloring the immediate area with blinding streaks of light as it dissipates outward until the palest of the colors fade into the blurred white clouds. I stand there for a moment looking up at the sky. I feel satisfied. I will be patient now and wait for an indefinite amount of time, sometime into the future, until the energy I’ve released upwards may (hopefully) shower back down on me again in whatever form the Universe decides to re-introduce it.

I am at the beach. The sand is cool and soft and I sink in with every step I take. The texture is refreshing and reassuring. I walk as close to the water as possible without having my feet touch it. I don’t want to be submerged in any way. I take out this sphere. It is white, solid but fragile. It is also very clean. I take out a rag and wipe it down quickly once more. I wrap this in white chiffon and tie it with a white ribbon. I place my right foot back, and grasping this sphere in my right hand, I exhale with one strong thrust of my right arm as I skip it into the ocean. It goes pretty far, with a good speed and skips once then sinks into the water. I watch through the ripples. A large wave comes. It has disappeared from sight. I see no signs of this sphere at all. I wait for a moment. Acknowledging that it must be sinking and drifting farther and farther away, I silently hope that the energy in this sphere will slowly dissolve and work its way through the waters, travelling to wherever it is most appropriate before surfacing again and evaporating into the Universe.

I am at an apple orchard. I walk through rows of apple trees until I find a few trees with powerful looking trunks and roots that appear to be buried in dense, healthy mounds of the earth. I take out this sphere that has been heavily weighing down my pocket. I use both hands to handle it. This is a gold sphere, solid, dense and heavy. It gleams. I wrap this in red chiffon and tie it with white ribbon. I set this down carefully beside me, squatting down to place it on the ground. I remembered to bring a heavy duty shovel. I shovel for close to two hours. I look down at the well I’ve created. It looks ominous as I peer over the edge. I take a step back to steady myself. As ominous as it is, it also has a slightly comforting feel, with the consistent dark brown color of dirt. I walk over to the sphere. Using both hands again I carry it over to the well I’ve dug. I inhale deeply, then exhale slowly and let both hands go, dropping this sphere into the hole. There is a distinct THUD as it hits the bottom. It sways back and forth a bit and, as I suspected might happen, the weight and impact of it causes the sphere to fall right through what I thought was the bottom of the hole. It disappears into darkness. I have released this energy before. It has come back time and again. At this point in my life, the energy has grown and consolidated into the substance that lives in that gold sphere. I am saddened that I have released it yet again, since it has grown into such a large mass. I am immediately overcome with sadness and heartache. But as I kneel over the edge, straining my eyes to see into the darkness at the bottom of this well. I receive some comfort. We are bound to the earth. Good things come from the earth. I have released so much energy into the earth within that gold sphere that I know it will eventually seep out slowly. The energy will rise, latching on to the roots of all things that grow beneath our feet. It will make its way back up to land once more. And so, my last hope as I kneel here, is that the new form of this energy will be something positive and nourishing for all to benefit from.


How To Drink Scotch

We clinked our glasses in mutual agreement after sharing a belly aching laugh over something only the two of us could find humor in, without having to verbalize the absurdity. He placed his drink down at the bar and excused himself to the men’s room. I watched him walk away with his easy gait and that carefree air about him, as though he were a perpetual wanderer in pursuit of nothing other than discoveries of the moment.

I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see the face of an attractive older woman whose age could only have been revealed by looking directly into her eyes. With slight laugh lines that curtained her wide smile, she looked at me and said in a friendly tone, “I’m sorry to bother you but, are you two together?”

“Him?” I responded, nodding towards the direction he left in. I was slightly amused. “No,” I answered. “We’re not together.”

“Well, darling,” the woman started, with a twinkle in her eye, “I find that I’m much wiser now than I used to be. And I couldn’t help but notice your chemistry from across the bar. I was envious of the way you were together, so natural and comfortable. You ought to make that man yours.”

I laughed genuinely and heartily at her sincere words to me. “That man right there,” I said pointing towards the figure making his way back towards us, “is my ex-husband.”

The woman’s face froze for a nano-second before a look of surprise and puzzlement took over. “Really? Wow… But you could have fooled anyone! Why on earth did you two separate?”

“It would take a lifetime to tell our story,” I said and smiling sweetly I added, “I have no doubt you are more experienced and wiser but, I do believe that life and love remain a mystery to us all. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well, sweetie, cheers to that… And best of luck to you both.” We toasted and she took a sip of her red wine before flashing another grin, glancing at him next to me.

I wished her a goodnight and turned back to my companion for the evening. My friend now, and part of my story. He winked at me as he took a gulp of his scotch.


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