Fire & Talons

Your light

Burned so ferociously
And bright
I felt your warmth
Far before

I saw your fire

In mid flight
For reasons unknown
You caught me in the fury of your wings
And in marvelous wonder
I let myself

Be gripped

Within the strength of your freedom

And your free soul
It was electrifying
So much so that your fire ignited lightning

And what burned inside me
Was so pale and weak in comparison
I was scorched by this ignition

I had hoped instead
To have my own flames fanned
But the power of yours
With your free soul fueling it

Engulfed me

I was useless against its bounty
And burning willingly
To a crisp
Having no power to tame such a force as this

Though fascinated and mesmerized
Like a moth to a flame
I was seared at the touch
Like a child to a hot stove

Rather than letting the shock of it
Travel through me inspiring strength

I was weakened
Unprepared and unfamiliar
With this capacity

And so I fell

And you
With your wingspan and your flames and your spirit
Trumping mine in size and liberality

What could you do
But let me fall

I would not have carried my own weight in flight
But rather
Weighed you down
Latching on for an astonishing ride

With my burnt wings
And the last of my embers
Fighting for their right to burn on
And burn larger

Than they might have
Before you
Or if not for you
Or quite possibly
Because of the sight of you
But not for the sake of you

I landed once again
Feeling so naked and robbed
Of something I only ever wanted
And never even had

Neither brave enough to reach for
Nor strong enough to grasp yet

My eyes will now be focused skyward
Where you live
So effortlessly
Freely
With a power you’ve harnessed so mysteriously

I should have gathered
That your admiration for birds of prey
Was not just of their majesty

Understanding then
That it was their solo sojourns
Which entranced you most

And I lay on the ground

And I swallow this

While searching for tinder for my fire

Determined to sear the sky
With flames of my own

The Fall

Wind in our hair and the sun on our faces,

we ran through the sand, the dunes, the wildflowers.

We reached a cliff where I peered down

over the falls,

beaming in anticipation,

before turning to look at you…

Tempted by the abyss,

who taunts with salacious adventure,

I closed my eyes, held my breath

then jumped –

Soaring, flying, falling into the depths,

my feet hit water and I was immersed

in refreshing delight.

The shock of submergence

revitalizing, seducing,

I surfaced,

gasped for air

…Orgasmic…

And found that you were not beside me.

Bathing in my preemptive bliss,

that was supposed to be ours,

I dove into exhilaration and danger

but, you –

you lingered,

content where it was safe.

The Distance

The battle.
But
not the war.
The
victor yet unseen.

Tireless Love

I want the kind of love that can only be born from two people having journeyed tirelessly and endured so much exhaustion to reach one another, that their first and final sighting of each other ignites a fire so powerful it heats them for eternity, and fills a well so deep they never thirst again for as long as they live.

Is this Love? Or is this Magic?

We lay under an endless ceiling of suspended confetti that twinkled sharply against the vast darkness. The pregnant moon hung like the single bulb of a grand chandelier. When I relaxed my eyes the stars blurred and I felt lifted, floating weightless in the moment. A squeeze from his arms drew me back down into the earth that cradled us. The bass of his deep voice and the steady beat at which he spoke lulled me towards sleepy fantasies. I no longer heard his words yet, I listened to everything he said.

When it was my turn to speak, I swam back towards consciousness to respond to all of his curiosities, whims and peculiarities because I shared them and understood them when no one else did. This delighted him and he expressed it with enthusiastic kisses on which ever body parts of mine lay closest to him. I nuzzled my face further into the crook of his shoulder, with one hand resting on his ribs, as if to say, “Yes, yes, I understand it all!”

With my ear to his chest now, I listened to the vibrato within as he carried on, speaking for both of us on our common desires and dreams. It soothed my muscles and before I closed my eyes to let my mind drift into the wind, I reflected back on how I had known this man for exactly 12 hours since this morning’s sunrise. I took one deep breath in, then exhaled, safe and relaxed, and wondered – is this love? Or is this magic?

Flame, White & Gold – In The Air, Out to Sea and Beneath My Feet

As I continue to practice cathartic releases in the form of metaphorical actions within my mind, I hope that they will cause a physical “purging” from my mind and body. But, since these actions remain within me, I need “witnesses” to bear testimony to them. So these witnesses are you. This is what I “spent my day doing”. The first activity is for Xxx. The second is for Xxxxxx. The third is for Xxxxxxx. Simply because every time I “release” I must release again for Xxxxxxx. After all, it is like a tumor that I can only remove the majority of each time.

Scalding hot and flaming white, I take this sphere and blow on it to cool it down. Then juggling it from hand to hand to avoid searing myself, I wrap this in pink chiffon and tie a pretty white ribbon around it. I grasp it with the full palm of my right hand and, winding up from my waist to my shoulder, I launch this sizzling sphere as hard and as far as my arms have the power to into the atmosphere. I watch it for as long as I can, until the sphere becomes a moving speck in the sky, hurtling up and up into the distance. I wait and I assume it has reached its destination in the clouds because I see a tiny burst of flame and sprinkles of debris. Then a magenta lightening bolt explodes into an array of warm colored daggers throughout the clouds coloring the immediate area with blinding streaks of light as it dissipates outward until the palest of the colors fade into the blurred white clouds. I stand there for a moment looking up at the sky. I feel satisfied. I will be patient now and wait for an indefinite amount of time, sometime into the future, until the energy I’ve released upwards may (hopefully) shower back down on me again in whatever form the Universe decides to re-introduce it.

I am at the beach. The sand is cool and soft and I sink in with every step I take. The texture is refreshing and reassuring. I walk as close to the water as possible without having my feet touch it. I don’t want to be submerged in any way. I take out this sphere. It is white, solid but fragile. It is also very clean. I take out a rag and wipe it down quickly once more. I wrap this in white chiffon and tie it with a white ribbon. I place my right foot back, and grasping this sphere in my right hand, I exhale with one strong thrust of my right arm as I skip it into the ocean. It goes pretty far, with a good speed and skips once then sinks into the water. I watch through the ripples. A large wave comes. It has disappeared from sight. I see no signs of this sphere at all. I wait for a moment. Acknowledging that it must be sinking and drifting farther and farther away, I silently hope that the energy in this sphere will slowly dissolve and work its way through the waters, travelling to wherever it is most appropriate before surfacing again and evaporating into the Universe.

I am at an apple orchard. I walk through rows of apple trees until I find a few trees with powerful looking trunks and roots that appear to be buried in dense, healthy mounds of the earth. I take out this sphere that has been heavily weighing down my pocket. I use both hands to handle it. This is a gold sphere, solid, dense and heavy. It gleams. I wrap this in red chiffon and tie it with white ribbon. I set this down carefully beside me, squatting down to place it on the ground. I remembered to bring a heavy duty shovel. I shovel for close to two hours. I look down at the well I’ve created. It looks ominous as I peer over the edge. I take a step back to steady myself. As ominous as it is, it also has a slightly comforting feel, with the consistent dark brown color of dirt. I walk over to the sphere. Using both hands again I carry it over to the well I’ve dug. I inhale deeply, then exhale slowly and let both hands go, dropping this sphere into the hole. There is a distinct THUD as it hits the bottom. It sways back and forth a bit and, as I suspected might happen, the weight and impact of it causes the sphere to fall right through what I thought was the bottom of the hole. It disappears into darkness. I have released this energy before. It has come back time and again. At this point in my life, the energy has grown and consolidated into the substance that lives in that gold sphere. I am saddened that I have released it yet again, since it has grown into such a large mass. I am immediately overcome with sadness and heartache. But as I kneel over the edge, straining my eyes to see into the darkness at the bottom of this well. I receive some comfort. We are bound to the earth. Good things come from the earth. I have released so much energy into the earth within that gold sphere that I know it will eventually seep out slowly. The energy will rise, latching on to the roots of all things that grow beneath our feet. It will make its way back up to land once more. And so, my last hope as I kneel here, is that the new form of this energy will be something positive and nourishing for all to benefit from.

How To Drink Scotch

We clinked our glasses in mutual agreement after sharing a belly aching laugh over something only the two of us could find humor in, without having to verbalize the absurdity. He placed his drink down at the bar and excused himself to the men’s room. I watched him walk away with his easy gait and that carefree air about him, as though he were a perpetual wanderer in pursuit of nothing other than discoveries of the moment.

I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see the face of an attractive older woman whose age could only have been revealed by looking directly into her eyes. With slight laugh lines that curtained her wide smile, she looked at me and said in a friendly tone, “I’m sorry to bother you but, are you two together?”

“Him?” I responded, nodding towards the direction he left in. I was slightly amused. “No,” I answered. “We’re not together.”

“Well, darling,” the woman started, with a twinkle in her eye, “I find that I’m much wiser now than I used to be. And I couldn’t help but notice your chemistry from across the bar. I was envious of the way you were together, so natural and comfortable. You ought to make that man yours.”

I laughed genuinely and heartily at her sincere words to me. “That man right there,” I said pointing towards the figure making his way back towards us, “is my ex-husband.”

The woman’s face froze for a nano-second before a look of surprise and puzzlement took over. “Really? Wow… But you could have fooled anyone! Why on earth did you two separate?”

“It would take a lifetime to tell our story,” I said and smiling sweetly I added, “I have no doubt you are more experienced and wiser but, I do believe that life and love remain a mystery to us all. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well, sweetie, cheers to that… And best of luck to you both.” We toasted and she took a sip of her red wine before flashing another grin, glancing at him next to me.

I wished her a goodnight and turned back to my companion for the evening. My friend now, and part of my story. He winked at me as he took a gulp of his scotch.

Distance Hurdler

I am by nature, more of a selfish person than I’d like to be but, I do freely admit it. My selfishness has served me well in certain areas and not so well in others. I am also a firm believer in the fact that God places obstacles in our path again and again until we finally learn the lessons that we are meant to learn. That being said, I know for certain that God has placed you in my path or better yet, led me to you for a myriad of reasons but mostly, to rid me of my selfish ways. Or at the very least, mitigate them before they consume me.

Some lessons are simpler and easy to learn. The people who embody these types of more feasible lessons are the ones who come and go, in and out of our lives because they’ve served their purposes and we’ve learned our lessons then parted ways for the better. Then there are the lessons that take no less than a lifetime to teach. You are one of them.

I believe the lesson here is tri-fold – to love someone truly (without contingencies); wholly (including every flaw, major and minute); and selflessly (giving with every fiber of my being without consequence). I believe that until I master this type of selflessness, which of course cannot be done until I master a higher form of patience, I will never be rid of you. And I know this because, until I learn to act selflessly, I will never want to be rid of you. I will always want you – physically, emotionally, intellectually because I believe that you represent all of the things that I cannot grow to be on my own.

And there lies the ultimate lesson to be deciphered and absorbed in all of its complexity – To be rewarded by receiving nothing. To be become less selfish, I will need to give selflessly to another. The more of me I give away, the stronger I will become – bare-boned and free of distracting entanglements – stronger with less.

So if this is the lesson I am meant to learn then perhaps I have not quite learned it yet. Or perhaps, I am just not done loving you

Sincerely, Yours

Today I thought about you
and how you smile
so easily and are quick to laugh
with your shy dimples
those perfect teeth and the
smooth skin of your powerful jaw line

I remembered all the times you
reached out to hug me
at my arrival and you smelled
so good
everywhere
and just then
though you made it hard for me to confess
just then
I never wanted to leave your grasp
ever

I remembered other great things
about you
that settled in my memory
so comfortably and safely
but as always, I stopped remembering
and began realizing

I realized my memories of you
never reflected the reality of you and now
they’ve been reduced to stories
of what once was

shame on you

I still want to pick up the phone and scream
I miss you
but I’m not sure I do
I miss my dream
the pefect dream you ruptured
when you said, “Come.”
and I came.

Shame on me

Related articles

• The Sincerely Wise (griefrevelations.com)
• Notes from the Edge of Life… (whitelawoutlaw.wordpress.com)
• 2nd Chance of Rebirth !!! Don’t miss (kaushikinfo.wordpress.com)
• Death To Whimsy (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
• 110602 Hangeng Weibo Update: a sincere thank to everyone! (sup3rjunior.com)
• https://stuckpigink.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/leaving-me/

Mermaids, Masochism and Happily Ever After. . .

Part of your world. . .

Falling For Her Captor

A lonely, longing Beast

Oh So Provincial Life

Someday I'll Be. . .

Sha la la la la, My oh my, You've got to kiss de girl. . .

So after lending an adequate amount of thought to this recently, I’ve concluded that my choice in Disney movies may have played a significant, though inconspicuous, role in what I now perceive through adulthood to be romance or sacrificial duties of the female in my personal modern day love tales:

Exhibit A:
After countless hours of watching and re-watching The Little Mermaid over and over and over and over and over again, while prancing about my home imagining a long, glistening fishtail instead of legs and propping myself strategically on piles of pillows to sing “Someday I’ll Be”, I had successfully envisioned myself as a 5 year old girl turned Mer-Creature in King Triton’s undersea kingdom. What this beloved cinematic piece of genius ingrained in me, as I watched in impressionable adulation, was the fact that this talented female mermaid, Ariel, need only sacrifice her god given body, her aquatic childhood Mer-kingdom, her entire Mer-Family and completely assume the cultural identity, mind, body and soul, (talk about a culture shock tri-fecta) of her heroic Prince Eric, a Prince who offers her nothing short of the world (of his human world) in order to live happily ever after with her one true love as a faithfully married, now bi-pedal couple in a world on land. Hence my pacifism in recent years when faced with the quandry of converting religions if it may make me a more qualified wife; a nose job if it may make a prettier wife; severe weight loss if it may make me a more desirable wife. Religious conversion, plastic surgery, stringent dietary regimens, what is the difference? Sacrifice is sacrifice unless it is sacrifice for love because then love is just love as love reigns supreme, no?

Exhibit B:
There was a certain intrigue in Belle‘s oh so provincial life as she fluttered throughout her village melting the hearts of the elderly and seizing the adoration of the ever arrogant and supremely macho Gaston. However, as fate would have it, Belle denies the advances of a man possessing the wherewithal to devour 12 raw eggs to impress her while bribing her affections with various feats of strength and astonishment and she ends up as a tormented captive in a bleak dungeoun, held against her will by a gruesome monster. Fragile against the size of this monster and bound by fear of his rage, she is shackled until her spirit surrenders to a docile and obedient prisoner dependent upon the Beast for health and wellbeing. Yet, she falls in love with him. In fact, she falls hopelessly in love with him because she, and only she, sees a glimmer in his eyes that suggest a twinkle of an upstanding gentleman behind her tormentor’s mask since it is only she who has come to know this tormentor so well. She is happy, thereafter, satiated by remaining his one and only captive, depending on him for all her spiritual and materialistic needs and wants. Possessed by him, they are now forever bound by the events that brought them together.

At thanksigiving dinner this year, my mother looks at me with pity in her eyes and says, “Oh god I pray for you. What man is going to love you with your fierceness?” Well Mom, anyone who portrays the unique qualities and complications of Prince Eric and the Beast of course. Because apparently, I am so well prepared and subconciously inclined to be fitted into the roles of Ariel and Belle that surely this match would be complete once they are able to possess me as described. And once possessed, I would fall into a certain dizzying love spell that only the two of us would understand. A sick and twisted love, the perfect dark fairy tale. And after all, the best kind of love is one that cannot be understood by the outside world. The irreplaceable kind. The kind that nobody else can see. A diamond in the rough is shinier than any other diamond out there because it’s glisten can be framed by the darkness against it. Any other females out there suffer from Disney inflictions?

Related articles

• Mermaids (virtualnotes.wordpress.com)
• Just Splashin’ Around (costumehub.wordpress.com)
• Living on a mermaid and a prayer. (thegreenstraw.wordpress.com)
• A short retelling of “The Little Mermaid” by Mia (prettyhummingbird.wordpress.com)
• Supernatural Romance and the Power of the Other: Disney’s The Little Mermaid (lissawrites.wordpress.com)
• ‘The Little Mermaid’ Gets Its Own ‘Twist On The Classic Tale’ (slashfilm.com)
• Fantasyland Construction July (damouse.com)
• Sony Picks up Re-Imagining of THE LITTLE MERMAID for COUNTRY STRONG Filmmaker Shana Feste (collider.com)
• Tuacahn attracts thousands to see Ariel ()